J O Y

I had this GREAT idea. . . I just didn't take into consideration the "Tia Factor", that is, she does what she wants when she wants (if she can help it). She is definitely not lacking in the area of stubborness (then again, she is two). Bryn says she got that from me! I prefer to call it persistence. :) Anyway, the pictures still turned out cute. Tia didn't want anything to do w/the "Y." She was focused on the "J", baby J.


We even tried to switch things up and give her the "O."
Not so much. . .

Caelleb took matters into his own hands! :)

It was just an idea. I tried. Here are some more pictures from the night. . .

Oh, who needs big red foam letters, anyway, to convey the joy of the season? My JOY was complete that night having all three kids under the same roof waiting in anticipation for Santa to come so that we could celebrate Jesus' birthday. Life doesn't get much better than that!

Not Getting Any Easier

Temporarily, all was well w/our world. We picked up Tia on Saturday morning after not having seen her for almost 3 weeks (not for our lack of trying). We just dropped her off a little bit ago after having her for about 48 hours. This whole situation is just so difficult. We had a great two days with her. We were basically house bound due to the icy roads outside but that was OK. It was just good to be all together. She is such a part of our family that when she is not with us we just don't feel complete. Dropping her off isn't getting any easier. We hadn't even gotten to her street yet and Tia noticed where we were going and started crying. Once we got there I undid her carseat so she could say bye to Caelleb. She went to the back of the van to give Caelleb a hug and all I heard was Caelleb saying, "miss you Tia." I gave her a big bear hug, told her how much I loved her and that we would see her again soon and then Bryndyn carried her through the icy walkways up to her mom's place as I blew her kisses. I got back in the van and turned around to check on Caelleb. He was just staring out the window watching Tia and Bryndyn walk away. Tia was all bundled up in her winter coat with her hat on. She was just staring back at the van. . . Bryndyn said she started screaming when her mom opened the door and took her inside. I keep thinking that eventually it will get easier and seem more normal (as normal as this situation can be). But I have my doubts. I cling to the hope that in the long run staying involved in Tia's life will be better for her. I know in my heart this is true. But right now, as my heart is breaking and I watch my 5 year old son's heart break (not to mention Bryndyn's & Tia's), it doesn't seem like this will ever get easier on any of us. . .
Today is Martin Luther King day. Right before I started writing this entry I read an article on him that highlighted a lot of his famous quotes. I know that the sadness that we feel when Tia is not with us is nothing compared to the issues that MLK had to deal with. Regardless, his words are such an encouragement for us to keep on keeping on. . . doing the right thing--because it is the right thing, no matter how hard it seems! So, in honor of him, and because his courage & example was and is such an inspiration, here are some of my favorite quotes from him:

"When evil men plot, good men must plan. When evil men burn and bomb, good men must build and bind."

"The first thing we must do here tonight is to decide we are not going to become panicky. That we are going to be calm, and we are going to continue to stand up for what is right. Fear not, we've come too far to turn back... we are not afraid and we shall overcome."

"There comes a time when one must take the position that is neither safe nor political nor popular, but he must do it because his conscience tells him it is right."

"I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. I have a dream today!"

And my current favorite:

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Christmas Eve Fun

We don't get to see Tia very often these days :(, BUT we did have her on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, which was WONDERFUL. Anyway, I get these ideas of things I want to do w/the kids--and then I have to wait until we actually HAVE Tia to do them--which makes for a busy day when Tia is with us! :) Anyway, I had these gingerbread kits for quite some time. The kids finally got to decorate them on Christmas Eve. Both Caelleb & Tia enjoyed the experience--mostly because I think they ate WAY more candy then they put on the actual gingerbread house! :) Anyway, it was actually a pretty fun thing to do on Christmas Eve. May have to add that to our Christmas Eve traditions. . . Here are some pics.

Baby J slept through the WHOLE THING! He fell asleep admiring our tree! :)

Twas The Night Before Christmas. . .

And all through the house, not a creature was stirring. . . OK, well, one creature was stirring. . . ME! Yay for afternoon NAPS! As everyone else was sleeping on the afternoon of Christmas Eve, Santa got a head start. . . Those of you parents out there understand that just the fact that I got 3 small children to sleep at the same time is a Christmas MIRACLE in itself! :)

Getting Into The Christmas Spirit

Yes, I went a little overboard on the Christmas outfit pics. . . I couldn't help myself. They were so cute on him. This isn't even all of them. See I showed some restraint! :)

A Star Is Born

December 15, 2006

Tonight Amy, Bryndyn and I drove 2 hours out to celebrate a very special person's 40th birthday! What a fun night! It was possibly the most fun I've had at a birthday celebration (as an adult--not counting those fabulous slumber parties of my youth :)). The half an hour long rendition of "Happy Birthday" was awesome! :)Ultimately, it was just a night filled with wonderful energy. Mainly, I believe, because we were celebrating the birthday of an absolutely amazing woman! The party was at the birthday girl's brother's condo, who happens to be a famous actor. I note this only because I guess it is kind of cool to say that I went to a party at a famous person's house? But honestly, there is no doubt in my mind who the STAR of that family is. She is someone whose friendship I cherish and someone who I deeply admire and look up to! Happy Birthday Sharita! What a wonderful impact you have had on my life and on the lives of so many others around you. Thank you for your wisdom, your example of unwavering faith, your positive attitude about life, your encouraging nature, and your friendship!!!! I am truly blessed to have you in my life!!!!

Aye Der, Aye Der

December 11, 2006

Tia LOVED Santa. I wasn't sure how she'd be with him but she did great! When we got there she marched right up to him and got on his lap before I even had my camera out. Even after our picture was done and the kids were playing on the playland (which was right next door to Santa's set up) Tia would climb up onto the bench seat and look over at Santa. At one point I said, "Tia where's Santa?" and she got so excited she was almost beside herself and pointed exclaiming, "Aye der mommy, aye der!" It was adorable! You can be sure that Santa will be very good to her this year if I have anything to say about it! :)

Good Times

December 11, 2006

Before we took Tia back to her mom's we headed down to meet Bryndyn for lunch. We went to the mall and took the kids to see Santa. They were so excited to tell "hoho" (what Caelleb calls him)/ "hahnnnna" (what Tia calls him) what they wanted for Christmas.





Jamie slept peacefully through most of the day's events despite Tia's best efforts to wake him up :)

It was a fun afternoon of Santa and the mall playland and lunch. I'm sure there were/are days that I take for granted the time that I get to spend with my family. Today was NOT one of those days. . .

She Knew

December 10, 2006

Kids are so smart. Smarter than we give them credit for, I think. Tia and Caelleb played so hard tonight. Caelleb dug out his cowboy hats and they were temporarily in their own western world (stick horse, empty water guns and all)I feel confident that we will be able to stay involved in Tia's life in the future. But tonight is the last night before we enter the unknown. She sensed it. She's 26 months going on 18 years.I didn't want the night to end and neither did Tia. In the entire 16 months that she lived with us there were only TWO nights that I had a difficult time getting her to bed (minus the times she was sick or we were traveling in unfamiliar places). The first night she moved in and the night before she moved out.As much as Tia loves to give hugs and kisses she's not really a snuggler. But tonight she was. She let me hold her and rock her to sleep and I couldn't help but remember that very first night she was with us--when I had no idea how to get a 9 month old to go to sleep. On that first night I couldn't bare to have her alone in an unfamiliar place, so I laid down with her until she got sleepy enough to put her in the pack and play (because we didn't have the crib from the wilson's set up yet). She studied my face and playfully interacted with me I think because she was nervous and didn't want to go to sleep. I can't really explain it but Tia and I had an instant bond. Don't get me wrong, she became extremely bonded to Bryndyn and Caelleb as well, but her and I had an instant connection. Now, 16 months later, that bond is that much stronger. I laid down with her again until she became sleepy and she studied my face again and tried to get me to interact with her so she could stay awake. I don't know exactly what she understands about the situation but I know that she is far wiser than your average newly turned 2 year old. I just hope that she always knows how much I love her! The bond between her and I that was established on August 2, 2005 will be in my heart forever!

A FAMILY Growing People to the Glory of God

Dec. 10th, 2006

If you've ever visted our church you can't help but notice the huge banners that hang at the front of the auditorium displaying our mission statement: "We are a Family Growing People to the Glory of God." These words have never felt more true than on two particular days that stand out in my mind. April 22, 2005 & December 10, 2006. The first was a day filled with great joy! The second was sadness. But both confirmed that God has blessed us with a tremendous support system in our church family.

April 22, 2005
Some day I'll write more about this day because it was a day worth WAY more than one blog entry. . . It started off at the courthouse in Columbia, MO. Bryndyn, Caelleb and I were there to finalize Caelleb's adoption. Along with many of our family who had traveled all the way from CA was our church family. I think I counted about 30-40 people in total who piled into the courtroom to witness the joyous occasion. You could not wipe the smile off my face! Later that evening the church threw us an adoption party at the building. I was amazed at the amount of people that came to celebrate with us. It was heartwarming. One thing about the night that I will NEVER forget is when our Minister blessed us. Bryndyn, Caelleb and I were sitting down on chairs in the front and he asked everyone to gather around us as he read a beautiful poem/blessing that he had written (i'll post that one of these days) and then prayed for us. What an encouraging moment to realize that all of these people were there for us, to share in our joy!

Fast forward 19 and a half months. . .

December 10, 2006
I had been strong all weekend--enjoying and cherishing the time we had left. But on Sunday I just couldn't find the strength, knowing that Tia was moving out the following day. Maybe it was all of the emotions I had been holding back all weekend. Or maybe it was knowing that everyone in our church family loved & adored Tia so much, that made me think about the situation more. Regardless of the reason I asked Eric (our minister) to let everyone know what was going on so that people could say goodbye to her and keep all of us in their prayers. He called us up front after he explained to the congregation what was going on so that he could pray for us. He asked that people who wanted to offer their support come up to the front with us. I was thankful because I had already started to get emotional and I figured the more people who came up the less everyone else would be able to see my tears. So again, just like April 22, 2005, Bryndyn, Caelleb and I found ourselves surrounded by the comfort of our church family. This time the emotions were much different. As I held on tightly to Bryndyn's hand and closed my tearful eyes for the prayer I thought about how strange but good it was to share our grief in front of all these people. When the prayer was over and I opened my eyes I realized how many people had come up to the front to support us and I wasn't the only one crying. I'm not sure there was a dry eye in the auditorium. Despite the deep sadness, I felt a sense of peace.

Thank you to my church family for not only proclaiming to be a family but for showing us through your actions that you will be there for us through both the joys and sorrows of life. We are so grateful!

Christmas Party

Dec. 9th, 2006

Our small group joined another small group at church for a Christmas party. There is just something about celebrating the Christmas season with family and friends. This particular group of people is just as much family as they are friends. We got to introduce them to Jamie and spend the night with a lot of laughter and the comfort of being around a group of wonderful people.

Tia and Amy ("mimi")

Tia admiring one of the many beautiful Christmas trees at the party

I LOVE this picture! It is my favorite of the Christmas season. I am so blessed!

A Ram In The Bush

Dec. 8th, 2006

God's timing is perfect. PERFECT! A friend of mine (Sharita) was teaching a ladies Bible class and used the phrase "ram in the bush." She was talking about how we need to trust God and even when things seem difficult or impossible God has always got a ram in the bush (See story of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis). . . Anyway, in a way Baby Jamie is our ram in the bush.Once again, God has taught me to trust him even in the most difficult of times. The fact that we found out about Jamie the EXACT same day we found out that Tia would be moving out permanently is still amazing to me.At first I was thinking that it would have been better timing had we had time to say goodbye to Tia first and get through that transition before having a newborn baby around. I was so emotional over Tia leaving that I didn't know if I could invest in another child. God obviously knows WAY better than I. The weekend of Dec. 8-10th was WONDERFUL. For three days we had three children. What a blessing that weekend was! Instead of just dreading the coming Monday (the day tia moved out) we had an adorable and sweet newborn to focus our love and attention on. And Tia LOVES this baby! We weren't sure how she'd react to him but the moment Jamie entered our van Tia claimed him as her own. All the way home from picking him up (30 min.) Tia was saying, "MY BABY" if Caelleb, Bryndyn or I so much as looked at him. It was adorable. Once we got home she wanted to hold him and help feed him. They bonded! It was precious.Funny thing is that when Tia moved into our house she was 9 months old and that is exactly how Caelleb acted around her. Caelleb didn't even know her name those first few months because he would only call her "my baby." I guess Tia learned how to be a big sister from her big brother & what a good teacher he is!God's timing is WAY better than my own. Tia had a chance to bond w/this new baby and we had a great weekend! Instead of just feeling the sadness of Tia leaving we had a feeling of hope. How can you look at his cute face and not feel hopeful! We don't know how long we will have "baby j" but he was a true Godsend. And if/when the day comes that he transitions back to his biological parents I trust that God will provide another ram in the bush. He is faithful!