July 26 -- Day #6, Zuma Beach

On Day #6 of our vacation Mema & Pappy made the trip down from Sacramento to hang out with us for a couple days. They had JUST gotten back from a mission trip to Africa so we REALLY appreciated them making that special effort to get down to So Cal. Plus we got to see pictures and hear stories from their amazing trip! It was so great to see them.

Also, one of my oldest & best friends, Kathy (who I grew up with in Simi, known her since i was about 6, played little league softball together for YEARS, both went to Simi High and played softball and soccer together, as well as travel ball--we are more like sisters than friends, anyway, she currently lives in Idaho) was also visiting So Cal while we were in town!

We all headed to Zuma Beach! :) It was a BEAUTIFUL DAY at the beach, sunny, but not too hot. Only problem was, we ALL used the same sunblock & it DIDN'T WORK! Seriously, we were all burnt to a crisp. Not good. Thank goodness for Aloe Vera gel, seriously! But we didn't realize how burnt we had gotten until we got home, of course. The actual time spent at the beach was wonderful. Here are some pics. . .

Mema, Tia, Caelleb & Vanessa

Vanessa, Kathy & Caelleb

Kathy & Tia

Building sand castles

My water boy!

This was Vanessa's first trip to the ocean. She was a little scared of the water but still enjoyed the sun & sand!
Tia's not a big fan of the ocean, either, but she had a lot of fun playing in the sand and making everybody laugh.

If I haven't said this before, I LOVE the beach. Besides family & friends it is what I miss most about not living in So Cal, hands down!!!!

Thoughtfulness

Caelleb and Vanessa got to go on a school field trip on Friday to the pumpkin patch. I don't have any pictures but they assured me they had FUN! Here is what Caelleb told Bryndyn about his trip to the pumpkin patch:

"When I at the punkin patch. I pick up punkin for Tia. But teacher say, put that punkin down! You already got punkin. So, I couldn't get Tia a punkin."

It's the thought that counts, Caelleb. And I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness! We will make sure we get Tia a PUNKIN! :)

Trusting Enough to Hold On

I don't know if this analogy will make sense to anyone but me. But since this is my blog, does it really matter? :)

I had one of those "ah-ha" moments tonight as the kids were outside riding their bikes. Caelleb LOVES riding his bike, but his training wheels were falling apart so Bryndyn took them off a week or so ago. Caelleb hasn't quite mastered riding his bike without them but he's working on it. Bryndyn will hold the back of his seat and run along side of him as Caelleb is pedaling and then when Bryn thinks Caelleb has got it, he'll let go, but continue running next to him. At the point where Caelleb starts to wobble, Bryndyn grabs the bike again, to steady him, so he won't fall. Usually Caelleb will jump off his bike anyway, at the first slight wobble. Sometimes he lands on his feet, sometimes not; but no major tumbles. He had his first substantial bike wipe out tonight, and guess what? It HURT. He immediately started crying and proceeded to run into the house and said he was done riding his bike. I followed him inside and tried to give him the "you've gotta get back on the horse" pep talk. While it took some convincing, eventually I got him back outside. Bryndyn had gotten his own bike out and was riding with Vanessa so I decided to try and help Caelleb. I would run beside him with one hand on the handle bar and one hand on the back of his seat while he pedaled. But anytime there was the slightest bit of wobble Caelleb would let go of the handle bars, bale off the bike and get frustrated. Finally, I realized that he thought by jumping off his bike he could avoid getting hurt when his bike crashed. But in actuality, he was getting more hurt in his attempts to avoid the bike crash. So, I said to him, "Caelleb, you have got to trust me. I am not going to let you fall. Even though it feels like the bike is tipping over, it's not. I've got it. I'm not going to let you fall, but you have to trust me enough to hold on." I went a little slower and he gained some confidence. I didn't let go of the bike again. I wanted him to end on a happy & confident note. I don't know if he has completely conquered his fear but it was a step in the right direction.

I can relate to Caelleb's fears. Not about riding a bike, but when it comes to trying to take some measure of control over my life. How many times has my life gotten so "wobbly" that, out of fear and an attempt to avoid pain, I take matters into my own hands and try to control the situation, only to make matters worse?

And I can't help but wonder how many times God has tried telling me the exact same thing I told Caelleb tonight, "Taina, you have got to trust me. I am not going to let you fall. Even though it feels like the 'bike' (or life) is tipping over, it's not. I've got it. I'm not going to let you fall, but you have to trust me enough to hold on."

Will I ever learn my lesson?

July 25 -- Day #5, Recovery

After our fifteen hours at Disneyland we spent day #5 of our vacation recovering. We slept in. The kids swam. I met a college girlfriend for dinner in Santa Monica, which was wonderful!

Definition of Us

I wrote the following post almost a year ago. Hard to believe it has been that long. At the time we had just been to a fertility seminar and had decided to seek professional help for this issue. We were excited & hopeful & trusting God. . .

Definition of Us (written 11.8.06)

"So, last night I was online just wasting time, really, not sure why I wasn’t just SLEEPING. I had stumbled across a “parenting” blog link and that got me wondering if maybe there is a blog out there somewhere to discuss/read about infertility issues. . . I started searching. . . Even though we’ve been “trying” off and on for a very long time (I learned today that the weblog way to say this is TTC “trying to conceive”), we’ve never really done much research on infertility (IF) so this is all new to me. Anyway, the first blog that I stumbled across (I won’t give the link) was very depressing. I mean, I can totally empathize w/this person. The journey sounds horrible. This particular blog writer has been blogging since June 2006—in the beginning she would write about various topics with the issue of IF popping up every now and then. But as I got to the more current entries the entire blog was focused on IF and all the pain, grief and drama that comes along with it. Please don’t get me wrong. I am certainly not judging. I KNOW the pain and it runs deep. Not to mention, this particular blogger has been dealing with this issue much longer than I. But it got me thinking. . .

As we begin this “needing professional help/science” phase of our TTC journey. . . this issue of infertility will NOT define us! However long it takes, or even if it never takes—we will not be defined by this issue. Just as we do not want to be defined by any of the tough issues we've faced, or by our skin color, weight, where we go to church, the size of our house, the kind of car we drive (please don't judge me for the fact that I LOVE my mini van), our fashion sense (or lack thereof), education, or even how “trendy” this blog is, :) etc. . . The only thing we truly want to be defined by is our relationship with God. He is the ultimate giver of life and even though our hearts ache to conceive a child—God is faithful. He is with Bryndyn and I on this journey and He will sustain us. However it turns out we will continue praising Him!

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:7-14)

In the coming months/years/however long it takes. . . please pray for Bryndyn and I that God (and God alone) will be what defines us!"

Now, as I read this, I almost feel like a different person. When I wrote this, Tia was still living with us. Jamie hadn't even been born (he was born 2 days later). Feels like a lifetime ago. I now know FIRST-HAND the pain of failed infertility treatments. Doubts have crept in. I've struggled to continue trusting God, even wondered if I ever TRULY trusted Him to begin with. But I still hold firmly to the belief that my relationship with God is what needs to define me/us. I don't think I've done a very good job of that, as of late. It's been such a hard year--I think it is safe to say, the hardest of my life. But God has been using this season to teach me some things and to draw me closer to Him (more on this topic in a post to come). He is faithful. He is what sustains. So, to quote a line from one of my favorite worship songs, "though there's pain in the offering, blessed be Your name"

July 24 -- Day #4, The Happiest Place On Earth

ok, so I never got most of our vacation pictures up here. . . So, rewind with me for a little bit, to our summer vacation. . .





We decided to go to Disneyland early in our vacation to "get it out of the way." As a young child I LOVED Disneyland. But the older I got the more I loved the roller coasters at Magic Mountain and the less enamored I was with Disneyland. But, then kids came along. Now I LOVE the magic kingdom again because it is so fun to see it through the eyes of my children. They LOVED it, all three of them. We had a great (albeit LONG) day.



We started our morning on the rockets. . . (pictured: Mama T & Caelleb in the forefront, Bryndyn and Vanessa in the background)
Then, I HIGHLY recommend this next part, we went to breakfast with Minnie Mouse and friends. I had never heard of this before, but had found out through a friend that you can have breakfast with the characters. It was such a perfect way to start the day. The food was amazing (waffles, omelettes, basically every breakfast food you can imagine). The best part was that the characters came around to your table and interacted with the kids, posed for pictures, signed autographs etc. So, it kind of felt like we got that out of the way and could just focus on going on rides and enjoying ourselves rather than worrying about what characters we may or may not run into. We saw people waiting in LONG lines to take one hurried picture with different characters. Even though the breakfast was on the pricey side, it was definitely WELL worth it!

Caelleb and Vanessa loved giving all the characters hugs & high fives. Tia was perfectly content to wave at them from her spot at the table. She did NOT want them to get too close. But by the end of breakfast we were able to get a couple photos of her too.Ummmmm, doesn't this picture say it all. . .
After breakfast we were off. . . we hit just about every ride imagineable. We even took Caelleb and Vanessa on space mountain (they both loved it, especially Vanessa). Tia was tall enough to go on the Matterhorn--she went, but wasn't a big fan. We went on Buzz lightyear, Casey's train, pirates of the carribean, the haunted house, dumbo, small world, the cars, splash mountain (twice), just to mention a few. . .

the kids being monkeys on Casey Jr's train ridewe didn't actually ride on the teapots, just took the picture--but that would have been funny! :)

Tia LOVED small world--pretty sure that was her favorite.the kids had fun at toon town as well. . .

Mama & Papa T with the grandkids. . .
Waiting patiently for the parade (which was awesome, I might add)

By FAR, splash mt. was Caelleb's favorite ride. Vanessa liked it as well, but I think her favorite may have been space mt.

This is a picture I took of the picture they took of us coming down the big hill on splash mt., thats why its not too good of quality. This was our first time on the ride. We purchased the picture that disneyland took of our second time on the ride. It is hilarious. I will try to get that scanned in on here at a later time.
If you can believe it, we did not leave the park until it CLOSED, which in the summer months is MIDNIGHT. Yes, MIDNIGHT. We did not intend to stay that long. We were heading out of the park around 10:30pm (which even that was much later than we had anticipated staying) when we walked past the new finding nemo ride. We had been trying all day to get on that (mostly because it was new and I wanted to see how they'd changed it from the old submarine ride). Anyway, the wait was 2.5 hours all day long. Ummm no. But at 10:30pm we were told the wait was 20 minutes. Ummmmm, we were lied to. It was more like 75 minutes. Caelleb and Vanessa both hit a major wall while we were in line. They were exhausted. It was one of those things we kept thinking we were almost there only to discover a whole other section of line in front of us but we had gotten so far we just figured we'd stick it out. It wasn't worth it. The ride was pretty disappointing. But it did not damper the day. While Caelleb and Vanessa were like walking zombies at this point (as was I), Tia got her second wind (she had taken a nap during the day in her stroller). She was hilarious. The finding nemo ride is right next to the stage with shows/live music in tomorrow land. There was music playing and Tia was DANCING. She was past delirious. It was hilarious. All in all, it was a GREAT day. The kids were well behaved TROOPERS. A good time had by all.

Did I just say that outloud?

This morning I was picking up a prescription at Walmart. There was only one person in front of me so I was thinking/hoping it would be a short wait. The lady behind the counter asked the man in front of me if he wanted to pay for his prescription there or up front (at the regular check out lines). He asks if he can pay for all of his stuff at the pharmacy and points to his cart which is nearly FULL. I am waiting for the walmart employee to politely tell the man that he will have to check out his groceries up front. Ummmm, no. She says, "sure why not. I have no problem with that." The first thought that crossed my mind was, "you have GOT to be kidding me." I didn't realize that I actually spoke those words outloud until the man turned around and saw me waiting. Thankfully, he changed his mind, apologized, paid for his prescription (only) and headed off to the regular check out lines. Oooops. While I was glad the man changed his mind I am usually better at censoring my tongue.

Sweet sounds that I miss terribly. . .

Every single time that we have Tia she inevitably asks me about Jamie. This past weekend was no exception. Usually it starts with "Where's J?" To which I respond, "Tia, you know where J is." She'll then say, "he at his other mommy & daddy's house." Yep. The questions continue from there. . .

Tia: "J hungry?"
me: "I don't know, maybe."
Tia: "he drinkin' his bottle?"
me: "maybe so"
Tia: "J sad? he cryin?"
me: "No Tia, I think he is happy."
Tia: "J miss me?"
me: "Yes. I am sure that Jamie misses you Tia. Do you miss him?"
Tia: "Yea. You miss J mommy?"
me: "I do. I miss him a lot."
Tia: "J talking to me?"
me: "I'm sure if he could he would be talking your ear off, Tia."
Tia: "what he sayin' mommy?"



This is where the conversation stopped & my tears started. She has asked me this question before. I would mimic a sound that Jamie used to make & Tia would laugh. But this time I couldn't remember. I still can't remember the sweet sounds his little baby chatter used to make. How could I forget that? And HOW can I make sure I don't forget anything else?????

The Wait Poem
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".



If you want to read more about this poem you can go to this link.

Sour Cream Cake (Jana's Recipe)

I made a cake for our small group last night and someone asked for the recipe, so here it is. . .

Ingredients:
1 pkg yellow cake mix
1 stick of butter
1/4 cup oil
1/2 cup sugar
5 eggs
8 oz sour cream
1 tsp vanilla (or more)

Pre-heat oven to 350. Mix all ingredients together and bake for 45 minutes. You have to use, gosh, I don't know what its called--the circle pan with the whole in the middle. lol. Can you tell i'm quite the chef. ha! Anyway, wait till the cake cools, flip it over and voila. I usually sprinkle with powdered sugar. Thats it. Easy!

For another variation you can use the following ingredients and bake at 350 for 50 min. to an hour. . .
Chocolate cake mix
5.9 oz instant chocolate pudding
1/2 cup oil
1/2 cup water
4 eggs
8 oz sour cream (or more)
6 oz pkg chocolate chips
powdered sugar (sprinkled on top)

I got these recipes from a friend in Monroe, LA. Thanks Jana! Enjoy. . .

Lifehouse "Everything" Skit

Wow. I'm speechless. Thank you, Becky, for sharing this video. . . Make sure you watch the whole thing (with volume).



Or, you can click on this link to see a larger view.

No Post For You!

OK, just by a show of hands (or a comment), how many of you have been reprimanded by the Blog Natzi for not keeping up on a daily basis with your blog? I know i'm not alone!