Good News. . . Bad News. . .

December 7th, 2006

Quick Cute Caelleb Story. . .

Caelleb and I always have good talks in the van. So, the day we found out that Tia was moving out and Jamie was moving in I decided to talk to Caelleb about it when we were alone in the van. I told him that I had some good news and some bad news. I told him i'd start w/the bad news. . . I then proceeded to do my best to explain to him that Tia would be moving out on Monday (12/11/06). He got upset. Next, I told him I had some good news & told him about Jamie. He got excited. Two minutes later he was talking about power rangers. He's 5. What did I expect? I wasn't sure he got it until later that day. Tia was in her crib just waking up from her afternoon nap. I was in her room putting clothes away. As I was finishing up w/the clothes Caelleb came in and went straight over to Tia's crib. I didn't understand everything he was saying to her but here is what I did catch:

"Tia, bad news. You have to go live with you other mommy. But good news too. Baby boy coming to live with us. . ."

He definitely got it. Tia was barely awake and had no idea what he was talking about. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Regardless it was cute.

Introducing. . .

Jamie. Baby "J", as Tia & Caelleb call him. He was born on 11/10/06 and was 6lbs, 12 oz and 20.25 inches long. He moved in on 12/8. We have no idea how long we'll have him. Here we go again. He is the sweetest thing. We are all falling in love. . .

Neurological Scare

In Aug. of 2005 I got into a car accident. Someone ran a red light and my little Honda Civic was totalled. Thankfully the kids weren't in the car and no one was seriously injured. Since then I have been dealing w/neck pain. I have never had neck pain before. It is a very low level of pain and doesn't keep me from doing anything. It is just very annoying. Anyway, after multiple trips to my primary care physician, multiple trips to a chiropractor and multiple trips to a physical therapist the pain is still there. So on Nov. 28th my dr. recommended I have a MRI. Fine. Let's figure out what is going on. He told me he would just call me w/the results and we could discuss options depending on what they find, if they find something. Sounds good. The next day we had the big snow storm. I was off work for 2 days then the weekend. I kind of forgot about the MRI. But then Monday, 12/4 I get a message from my dr. office saying they wanted me to COME IN so he could talk to me about the MRI results. The fact that he wanted me to come in vs. discussing over the phone had me a little on edge but whatever. . . So, I went back to see my dr. the next day. He tells me they found "something" but aren't sure exactly what so I need to go back and get another MRI, a "contrasting MRI." It is worth noting that MRI's are NOT FUN! Plus I had a cold/cough. So, staying completely still was nearly impossible. Plus when you are told not to swallow or move at all, of course the first thing you want to do is swallow or move. Needless to say, especially the second MRI (45 min. long) was a NIGHTMARE. But I had that done on 12/7 and had an apt. to go over the results w/a neurological surgeon the next day. Why a neurological surgeon? Yea. Thats what I wanted to know. Apparently this "something" that they found was in my spinal chord. So, to error on the side of caution a trip to the neurologist. Before the second MRI I had called my dr. back to try and find out what was going on, why the trip to the neurologist? My dr. was out of the office but the receptionist that I talked to gave me a little scare. She had said that they didn't know if whatever they found in my neck was from the accident or some other anomoly. This whole other "anomoly" thing is what was scaring me. When I told her this she said, "don't panic. no one has mentioned the word cancer or anything." OIY. I thought to myself, YOU JUST DID! Needless to say, the 24 hours I had to wait between talking to the receptionist and talking to the neurologist were a little unnerving (side note: this all happened the same day that we had the Tia team meeting, 12/7--"a day that will live in infamy" :) ok, i'll stop being overdramatic). The neurologist gave me a good report. He said I have fluid in the canal that runs through my spinal chord. It is minor enough where the risks of surgery far outweigh the minor pain. He said it could have been caused by the accident. He said in some cases it is caused by a tumor. . . OIY. Thankfully, not my case. Anyway, I have to have another contrasting MRI done (UGH) in 6 months so they can make sure the fluid hasn't changed. He prescribed me a muscle relaxer to help w/the pain. That's it. Just a scare. Apparently, I just have to deal w/the pain. Maybe the muscle relaxers will help.

A New Friday Tradition: "Songfest"

Back to the Present. . . Dec. 22nd

Some bloggers post a Friday's Feast. I am starting a new tradition: Friday's Fest, Songfest, that is. Every Friday (ok, maybe not EVERY, but as much as possible) I will post the lyrics to a song that either is or has been important to me in some way and tell why. . .


Tonight's will be of a sad tone. . . Over the last couple weeks I have been accused of neglecting my blog. . . The accusations are completely correct. I thought it was because I was just "too busy." This is partly true, but now, as I try to catch everyone up I am reliving the events of the last couple weeks. . . I thought I was done crying. . . apparently NOT. I guess what i'm trying to say is maybe i've been neglecting my blog because the pain is still too fresh to write about. . .


Anyway, about a month ago my brother emailed me a link to the following song by Hughes & Wagner. Beautiful & sad. . . As I reflect about Tia it certainly resonates. I think if you just read the lyrics you'll understand why. . .

Not A Care In The World

by Hughes & Wagner

I wish I could take you and toss you into Heaven

To be guarded by the angels and the stars

'Cuz there ain't no pain there and no one to be unkind

Everyone would know your name

You think I'd find peace in these

times when you're sleeping in my arms

Nothing in the world's gonna hurt you here

But these fears keep coming on and on and on

There's nothing I can do

And I can hear them laughing now, just outside the window

And I can hear them laughing now, not a care in the world

And I'll let them believe it's true

Oh how I fear all the pain that you will suffer

And how I pray all the good in this world for you

That's all I can do. . .

Ok, a little on the depressing side. Sorry. But this is MY blog and it is therapeutic. . . For the record, I am doing well. But the sadness is still with me. I miss Tia terribly & even though I still get to see her, it's not the same. . . Aren't you glad i'm blogging again? Ha! I'll try to be more upbeat next time. :)

So, any other bloggers out there want to join my "Friday's Songfest"?

Tears

Dec. 7th

Tears of sadness. Tears of joy. Tears of who knows what? Just tears. Today was the team meeting for Tia that I have been dreading since the day she moved in with us. I knew what the outcome of the meeting would be. I just didn't know how I would handle the outcome? God won't give me more than I can handle, right?. . .is what I kept telling myself. I knew that a date would be set for Tia to move out. I just didn't realize how soon that date would be.

Right when I walked into the meeting room I knew something was going on. . . Bryndyn was already there, as was Tia's GAL (guardian ad litem), and another person--our adoption worker? What is she doing here? THE meeting hadn't started yet but there was already another meeting going on. Bryndyn looked at me and told me I better sit down for this one. What in the world? I hadn't seen Tia since her 5 day extended visit. Did something happen? Bryndyn didn't look upset--he looked excited. Seriously, what in the world?

It's all a blur of emotions to me now, but the gist of it is that there is a one month old little baby boy that needs a foster family. . .

The lyrics of the song I posted earlier came back to me, "He gives and takes away. . ."

I left the meeting simply overwhelmed. As I drove home I cried and cried (side note: currently crying as I relive this moment). I was feeling so many different emotions I really couldn't differentiate the tears. Sadness over Tia who will be moving out Monday, 12/11. Excitement over the opportunity to care for a newborn. Amazement at the hand of God. Simply overwhelmed. . .

It Is What It Is

Dec. 6th

Today is day #5 of a 5 day "extended" visit for Tia and her mom. We get her back officially tomorrow. Her mom thought it would be a good idea for Tia to see all of us together so suggested all of us meet for a meal somewhere. Fine with me! It is a good idea plus a chance to see Tia. ANYTHING for Tia. But I called and called all afternoon to make sure we were still on for dinner (at the mall before church) and I could not get a hold of them. Finally at about 6:20 I left Tia's mom a message saying that we had church in 40 minutes so we wouldnn't be able to do dinner afterall but that we could reschedule for another night. I casually threw out that if she got this message and wanted to go to church with us that I could come pick them up. I didn't actually expect her to call back. But she did and she wanted to come to church. . . Two worlds colliding. . . Weird. Awkward. Uncomfortable. She wants to come to the church Ladies Christmas Party tomorrow night. I don't know how to feel. It is what it is . But I know that it was the right thing, to invite her. Anything for Tia. . .

My Little Shepherd

So, rewind. . . to December 5th

First, let me start by saying that 12/5 was my parents 36 year anniversary! Congratulations mom & dad!!!

Caelleb had his "work" Christmas play tonight! He was a shepherd. So cute! I didn't bring my camera :( But just take my word for it--CUTE!!!

Lesson On Grace From My 5 Year Old

So, we are at Burger King and Caelleb was finished eating and was playing in the playground. FYI, Caelleb does GREAT with his peers. He will play with ANYONE his age or a little younger or older. As long as they are in his age vicinity he believes they are his friends. He does not discriminate. He is kind to every child. . .my sweet, sweet boy. But ultimately, what it comes down to is he just wants to PLAY! Today was no exception. So, a little boy comes into the playland and Caelleb's eyes light up. He goes directly over to him and starts talking to him and trying to get him to play like he's known him for years. Come to find out this child used to go to "work" with Caelleb (but now is in kindergarten). So, Caelleb is THRILLED to see him, but it is obvious to me that the feeling is not mutual. So, I tell Caelleb to let the little boy eat his food and maybe he will play with him later. Well, Caelleb waits patiently and finally later comes. But still the child will not play with Caelleb. In fact, now he is telling Caelleb to, "leave him alone and stop following him." Caelleb doesn't give up. They were the only two kids in the playground and Caelleb continued to stay close to this other child--not to be ornery or mean, I think he just simply figured if he was persistant eventually the little boy would play with him. Unfortunately, this was not the case. The other little boy then starts whining to his grandparents that Caelleb wouldn't leave him alone and was following him. BUT this little boy wasn't even trying to play. He was just standing at the bottom of the playland getting meaner and meaner to Caelleb (who like a little puppy just wanting to play, was a glutten for punishment). I could tell by the look on Caelleb's face that he had pure intentions and was just honestly trying to get his "friend" to play with him. . . Finally, I told Caelleb to just go and play by himself that maybe the other little boy would play with him later. So, Caelleb started climbing up to the slide, but instead of playing this other little boy came and sat down w/his grandparents (who were sitting at the table right next to me) and was STILL complaining about Caelleb. He even told ME that Caelleb wouldn't stop following him around. At this point I was extremely annoyed by this little kid but tried to explain that Caelleb just wanted someone to play with. Anyway, the boy went on whining and whining to his grandparents the whole time we were there and I got more and more annoyed by him. . . I have the sweetest and most friendly little boy in the world (ok, yes i am a little biased) and this little boy was potentially hurting his feelings! So, in the car on the way home I said to Caelleb: "I am proud of you the way you continued to be nice to that little boy even when he wasn't being very nice to you. You just wanted to play, huh?" He nodded his head yes. I then said, "he was being pretty mean to you wasn't he?" Caelleb again nodded yes. In my mind I had already formed an opinion of this little kid. . . Trying to confirm my opinion (not sure why I needed to do this. . .), I asked, "So, was he always this mean to you at work too?" (figuring this was simply a mean little kid just being MEAN). Caelleb says, "no mommy, he just have a bad day, I think he have a cold." Translation: cut him some slack, mommy! It's called GRACE! What an insightful little five year old I have. Point taken.

Time Out

OK, so i'm going to go "out of order" for a minute here while I tell a couple Caelleb stories that happened today (12/22), then i'll get back to the last couple weeks. . . So, when i picked Caelleb up today from "work" (daycare) at noon he was WIRED (Amy & Meagan can attest to this). Neither of us had eaten lunch so I figured we could go to burger king which has free wi-fi and a playland--win-win! So, we are in line to order and I ask Caelleb if he wants chicken or a hamburger. He tells me hamburger, then adds, "with cheese." He says, "hamburger with cheese, nothing else." So, to make sure I have it right I say, "so you want a hamburger plain w/just cheese?" He says "yes." Then a second later he blurts "AND MEAT." I laughed out loud and assured him I would make sure his hamburger had cheese & MEAT! Too funny!

Leaning Tree

Dec. 1st

It's fixed now (thankfully) but we had a quite the time trying to get that crazy tree to stand straight up. It was actually pretty comical. . .

O Christmas Tree

November 30th

I had an epiphany last year around this time. . . Growing up, my mom always went "all out" for Christmas which made the holidays such a special time of year. I remember last year by this time I had almost all my shopping done ahead of time and was all organized, etc. but I just wasn't feeling the "magic" of the season. . . I wanted my kids to experience that magic just as I had when I was a child but it just didn't seem to be happening. It finally dawned on me that it is now MY job to create that magic for my kids. I think I was still sitting around waiting for my mom to create that magic for us. :) Anyway, this year I am better prepared and ready for that responsibility. Watching the kids decorate our tree I felt like I was "sipping from the saucer" (as Sharita says--in other words my cup was overflowing w/joy). It just doesn't feel like Christmas time until the tree is up. . .

There were no chestnuts roasting on an open fire but with the snow falling outside, the Christmas music paying inside and the tree decorated. . . Let the magic begin! 'Tis HIS season! I love Christmas!

Snowed In

Nov. 30-Dec. 1st

So, when I was young I remember hearing about people being "snowed in." Growing up in CA this was somewhat of a mystery to me. In my naive mind I thought that meant that the snow was actually SOOOOO high that you couldn't even open up your front door (hence, snowed in). Ha! Well, maybe that happens in some places? But I now know that it is more about the ROADS. Snow is beautiful but DRIVING in snow. . . NOT so fun! Forget treading on thin ice. Try driving on THICK ice. . . I got a crash course, and I must say that I am so impressed w/my honda odyssey--such a trooper. Anyway, I got to miss two days of work due to snow. Honestly, they felt like a gift from God--to be able to spend extra time w/Tia because those days are numbered. . . Anyway, we had some great family time while being snowed in. I'll take a snow day--ANY DAY! We played in the snow, decorated our Christmas tree, made cookies, watched movies. . . good times! Here are some pics. . .

This icicle was right outside our front door. I have NEVER seen such a thing, so huge.

Tia bundlingup

Caelleb LOVED the snow. He would have stayed outside playing in it ALL day if we'd let him.

Tia wasn't as big of a snow fan. She liked it ok but did NOT want to walk in it. She enjoyed watching Caelleb and daddy play in from the back of our van in the garage! :)

Tia was much happier playing INSIDE. . .

Caelleb, watching a movie. Another cool snow day feature--you can dress HOWEVER you like! :)

Me and the kids making cookies. They were yummy! Thanks for the recipe Becky!

Blog Slacker

OK, I am a total blog slacker these last couple weeks. . . So much has happened. . . Almost feels overwhelming to even start blogging again because i have SOOOO much to write about. Because I am too perfectionistic I don't want things to be out of "order" so I will go back and start where I left off, even though there are much more pressing blogs at hand. . . Here goes nothing. . .

Sandlot

One last Thanksgiving weekend post. . . We had our own Tande Sandlot going on.

Here are some pictures of our future allstars! :)

Even Easton got involved in the fun.

He did NOT like it when Mama tried to help him swing. I think he wanted to do it by himself! :)

Easton & Uncle Brian

Family fun!!! Thankfully, we did not have to contend w/a "Goliath."

T-Day Weekend Stories: the cute, the funny & the frustrating

The Cute Teachable Moment

We took my nephew, Braden, to church with us on Sunday at White's Ferry Rd. The way they do it is the kids stay in the main auditorium w/their parents until after communion and then they all go to a Children's Bible Hour. As the communion tray came down our aisle I had the following discussion w/my nephew:

Braden: What's that?

Me: Communion.

Braden: (confused expression)

Me: We do this every week to remember what Jesus did for us.

Braden (after a minute or so): What'd he do?

Me: He died on the cross to save us from our sins.

Braden (looking at the cross at the front of the auditorium): He's not up there on that cross anymore?

Me: No, he's not. He came back to life!

Braden (after thinking a second): Did he change churches? :)

The Funny/Scary Go-Kart Tale

On Friday night, the day after thanksgiving, we went to this place in West Monroe called Excalibur. They had an indoor playplace, rock climbing wall, video games, lazer tag and an outdoor put-put area & go karts. They had a little track for kids Caelleb/Braden's age. Braden was a pro! Caelleb, well, not so much! Poor thing. I should have known from the look on his face in the following pictures that he was TERRIFIED. He tried to be brave. Right out of the blocks he drove straight into a fence. . . OIY! The guy working got him straightened out and he made it about half way around and then drove into another fence and got stuck again. He was yelling and we thought he was saying, "I'm stuck! I'm stuck!" Again the worker guy got him unstuck. When he came around to the starting point he drove in under the awning straight up onto the cement median. . . We were all dying of laughter. That was the end of Caelleb's Go-Kart riding--at least as the driver. When he got out of the car he was crying. Apparently when we thought he was yelling, "i'm stuck, i'm stuck," he was actually saying, "I'M SCARED! I'M SCARED!" I felt really bad, but it was really funny. Trying to cheer him up I said, "even though you were a little scared you still had fun, right?" He said, "I was a LOT scared mommy!" Oooops! Poor kid!

The Frustrating Pre-Sale-Sale

I have NEVER gotten up early for "black friday." BUT the night before we saw an office depot ad for a $299 laptop. Bryn has been looking at possibly getting me a laptop (so i will stop using his :). In the ad it said "minimum two per store." So, Bryndyn being the wonderful husband and morning person that he is got up and made it to office depot 20 minutes before they opened to make sure he got one of the "minimun two" laptops. Once the doors opened he was one of the first people to the computer section. NO LAPTOP. When he asked about it one of the employees said they had sold them in a "pre-sale-sale." PRE-SALE-SALE?!?!?!?! WHAT IS THAT!?!?!?!?!?! Probably the office depot employees had their own little "pre-sale-sale" on the computers and plasma tv's that they had advertised that were non-existent. SO FRUSTRATING. So, at least for the time being, we are anti-office-depot & black Friday, for that matter. . . live and learn!

A Louisiana Thanksgiving

Finally, my thanksgiving update. . . Let me start by saying that it was bittersweet. ONLY because we were unable to bring Tia to the festivities. We missed her terribly. Enough said.

We left Wed. and headed south, to Louisiana. Our ten hour drive was NOTHING compared to my parents and brother and sister-in-law who made the drive from California. We all met up at my sister and brother-in-law's new house in Monroe, LA. There were 11 of us in total (12 if you count Isabelle who is still residing in my sister's belly :). The turkey & fixin's (this is how they say it in LA) was great, the weather was beautiful, and of course there was a LOT of football game watching. Ultimately, it was just good to be w/family (we missed you Kevin)! Despite missing Tia, I have a wonderful family that I am so thankful for! Here are some pictures from the weekend. . .

The day after Thanksgiving we went down to the Black Bayou to take some family pictures (the above pictures are also at black bayou).

Cousins: Braden (age 6), Easton (16 months) & Caelleb (age 5)

Braden & Caelleb contemplating the meaning of life! :)

My parents (Mama & PapaT) w/their grandkids!

I love this picture--just wish Tia was in it as well. . .

What a cutie pie my nephew is!!!!

More cutie pie pics! :)

My sister-in-law (Aunt Kara), bought the boys spiderman bathtime "shaving kits." They were a HIT! They couldn't wait to get in that tub and "shave." And when the bathtime fun was over they got to wrap up in their new spiderman towels. Thank you Aunt Kara!!!

Grandma bought Caelleb & Braden matching "footsie" pajamas (no, that is not their official name but that is what I call them!) These pics were taken one night when the boys were past delirium and were fighting bed time. I think this was actually the last night we were there. . . After 3 hard days of playing--you can see how tired but HAPPY they are! I have more thanksgiving weekend stories but since i have been working on getting this post up since Saturday I will publish now and just add an addendum later! :)

Something LIGHTHEARTED Please!

Happy December!!! My Elf Name Is. . .

Booty Snowballer

What's" Your Elf Name?