Positive Thoughts Bring Positive Results

The above title is something that my dad instilled in us, growing up. After awhile, I got sick of hearing it. If I had a negative attitude about something, (for example: I CAN'T hit the inside pitch), he'd often remind me, "Taina, positive thoughts bring positive results." Sarcastically, I'd think to myself, "yea, I'm POSITIVE that I can't hit the inside pitch" (I was a delightful teen, ha!). But that quote has stuck w/me through the years. . .

A few weeks ago Bryndyn and I got our fertility evaluation results. There is a problem (polycystic ovarian disease syndrome), but it is manageable so it was great news! My Dr. prescribed me some non-fertility related medicine to address the problem and told me to come back in three months. He said at that point we could re-evaluate how the medicine is helping and possibly add in a fertility drug later if this other medicine doesn't do the trick. As we were leaving his office I told him that we'd see him in May. He said, "if not sooner," with a grin on his face. He must've noticed my confused expression because he then clarified, "if you get pregnant, I'll see you sooner." Oh, right. I nodded and smiled and Bryndyn and I headed out to our car.

From that brief interaction at the end of the dr. visit, I realized that I need to change my mindset. It's not that I'm pessimistic or have given up hope that I will actually be able to get pregnant someday. But I think I am kind of numb to it all. Even upon hearing the great news that I just need to take some medicine, in my mind, there is no way it will be that easy. This "plan A" seems way too simple. Surely, for us, it will take a plan B, C, D & maybe even E or F for us to conceive. . . So, the Dr.'s comment that he might see me "sooner" never even registered with me until he spelled it out.

Can you blame me, though? We've been married now, almost 8 years and "trying" (or at least not preventing) for 6 of those years. I've done the "hopes up" thing too many times to count. Six years, for a person with a normal cycle, would mean. . . (where is my husband to do this math?). . . ummm 72 NEGATIVES! No, I didn't take a test each time, but let's just say I'm pretty familiar with them. First response, clear blue, e.p.t, equate, you name it, I've probably used it. We've taken everyone's "advice." We've tried the temperature method. We've bought the ovulation kits. Been there. It doesn't work for us. . . So when a fertility specialist tells me all I need to do is take this little pill twice a day and voilà, we will conceive, forgive me for being less than optimistic.

Enter phrase from my youth . . . Positive thoughts bring positive results. . . OK, I'm not naive enough to think that just by "thinking positive" we will be able to get pregnant. BUT, that is the person that I want to be. I want to be the one that no matter how many times we are unsuccessful trying to get pregnant, I keep a positive attitude. I want to believe that I will actually need to go see my Dr. sooner than May. I want to get my hopes up again. The alternatives (numbness/pessimism) are depressing and that is not who I want to be. So dad, I'm taking your advice. Better late than never, right? :)